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| why wifes shouldent take husbands shopping? 26/04/2010 at 18:14 #1171 | |
ozzyd9001
131 posts |
WHY WIVES SHOULDN'T TAKE HUSBANDS SHOPPING or are you board when you get dragged out shopping with your wife? trundeling from shop to shop and she buys nothing? or dragged out looking for a dress, she finds one in the first shop, but dosent buy? then goes round every flipping dress shop in town, just to end up back in the first and buys the flipping first dress she saw 5 hours preivesly? then why not try one of these tips below???? she will then leave you all alone at home in front of the telly. hehehehehehe After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.. Dear Mrs.xxxxxxx, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. xxxxxxx, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homeware to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Homeware. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby. 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7... August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Ambo’s were called... 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling knives in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least: 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. Log in to reply |
| why wifes shouldent take husbands shopping? 26/04/2010 at 18:14 #8779 | |
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ozzyd9001
131 posts |
WHY WIVES SHOULDN'T TAKE HUSBANDS SHOPPING or are you board when you get dragged out shopping with your wife? trundeling from shop to shop and she buys nothing? or dragged out looking for a dress, she finds one in the first shop, but dosent buy? then goes round every flipping dress shop in town, just to end up back in the first and buys the flipping first dress she saw 5 hours preivesly? then why not try one of these tips below???? she will then leave you all alone at home in front of the telly. hehehehehehe After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.. Dear Mrs.xxxxxxx, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. xxxxxxx, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homeware to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Homeware. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby. 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7... August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Ambo’s were called... 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling knives in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least: 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. Log in to reply |
| why wifes shouldent take husbands shopping? 26/04/2010 at 20:06 #8783 | |
nroberts
227 posts |
Wonderful! I can't stop laughing. Thanks for the soul lifter. Regards, Nicholas Log in to reply |